party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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