Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
