Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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