Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize