Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
