I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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