Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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