don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
