I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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