we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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