Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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