dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
