I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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