When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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