its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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