it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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