Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
