So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
