whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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