rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
