it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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