If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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