I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
