i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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