i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
