just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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