this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
