That's intense
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
