Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
