Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Then you guys just all showered together...?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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