I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
