Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
