The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
