I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
