Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
