so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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