he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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