If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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