just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
