you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
