He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
