Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
