the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize