I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
