You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
