Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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