I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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