What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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