listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
