so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
