i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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