Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
