He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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