I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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