I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
