worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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