he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
