I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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