The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
