Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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