Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
