You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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