if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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