Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
