My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
