just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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